Time to take responsibility
Response - Ability
Oh dear… I was diagnosed with moderate to severe Depression and Anxiety. At first that freaked me out. The last time I felt that way was when my mother died when I was fourteen years old. Back then it was all about the pain of losing a parent but now…I should have known better.
Reality is that there is no particular time for that calling to happen. But what I have realised is that once again I was being kindly invited to a journey within.
We tend to believe that depression and anxiety are bad things but when we are able to change a little bit our perception we come to understand that it is actually a great opportunity to find our way back to the self. It means that we lost our way trying to find some sort of happiness or resources outside of ourselves expecting that external things can fulfil the lack that we have inside, mainly emotional lack. I used to believe that things and people around me are the sources of my happiness. This outward journey is our common search for meaning within a material world often ruled by things without any meaning. And therefore it is hard to justify our existence.
However, life and the universe very wisely and generously forced me to look within, it gently took me to this journey of self knowledge and self awareness that at first felt really uncomfortable and painful but once I started embracing myself with love and compassion, and I started to understand that life is a learning process, I became a dedicated and humble student, eager to learn and accept my experiences as a process of growth. I was being guided benevolently through the chaos of my own confusions of mortal existence to the clarity of spiritual truth.
Growth was never meant to be an easy process. It can be really painful sometimes. It is not easy for a plant to sprout out from its seed, it is not easy for a butterfly to come out of its cocoon. This metamorphosis is gradual, progressive, and beautiful. Once I was able to start coming out of my cocoon I was more willing to surrender to the idea of life as a miracle, and that I was given this unique opportunity not only to survive but to thrive, accepting my imperfections with kindness and grace because in the school of life nothing is perfect but everything is divine and we are all divine creatures interconnected. But sometimes we don’t recognise it because of the way we were programmed and conditioned since birth to these old patterns in which the ego takes control and try to keep us living the illusion that life is what happens to us. We end up being eternal victims of our circumstances. The suffering that we sometimes have to endure is due to our own spiritual ignorance which hold us back in the realms of our ego, enduring profound trials.
Time to wake up! Spiritual lucidity is the hand of God reaching down to elevate us. I decided to take responsibility for my life and decided to focus on what life is trying to teach me. Learning and assimilating my lessons is what is going to propel myself forward, its making me wiser and humbler. It is helping me to respond better to the situations in my life that once were really challenging. That does not mean that I am not going to be challenged ever again but it means that I am getting better prepared for when the challenges come. Total and absolute trust in God’s love as the one and only source of our happiness is paramount.
I must say that as weird as it might sound I am grateful for my depression, I am grateful for my anxiety because they helped me to see who I truly am and what life is really about. I am not a victim of my circumstances, I am taking charge of my life with responsibility and care. Life is to be lived passionately. I am grateful for this very unique existence, and I will continue to work hard for my progress as well as serving others to do the same.
At this very moment I allow my dear Lord to do His miraculous work through me and I can only be and blossom alongside Him. The search is over; it is time to simply be, and to love above all things because that is the real meaning of our lives. I do not expect in this existence to attain the enlightened consciousness of Buddha, Moses or Jesus but I am willing to make the effort because that is what makes life worth living, makes happiness possible, once I ease my heart from the burdens of a heavy life, and allow the spiritual world to penetrate the material, finally the divine truth will expand in my consciousness but not only intellectually but viscerally through my life’s experience, to finally be in touch with my heart.