Facing my own demons
I’ve never felt more challenged in my entire life than facing my own freaking demons. It is very scary to face yourself I must admit, and know who you really are… Oh, my apologies, I meant, who you believe yourself to be.
Nobody prepares us for that. The only thing we know is that our behaviours constantly conduct us through very unpleasant paths, until we decide to ask ourselves: but why? Does it have to be unpleasant all the time? Where is the pleasure of it?
These last few weeks I’ve been going through a journey of self discovery and I must admit that I haven’t found much beauty in it. It made me very uncomfortable because I have acknowledged some of my own inner beliefs - my demons - and I’ve been holding to them for way too long.
To make an analogy, what I realised is that my belief system is like a scratched vinyl LP - don’t worry if you are not from the LP generation - all you need to know is that when it is scratched, it gets stuck, and the song cannot be played any further. It keeps repeating the same part again and again like an endless loop. And when the song doesn’t flow you cannot really listen to it, and a song is only a song when it is sung. That’s the beauty!
A song is like our whole existence. And what happens is that when we go through a certain ruthless experience, that leaves us an impression, which scratches our souls. As a result, we start creating our belief systems based on how that very incident imprinted ideas in our minds through our cognitive system. In addition to that, our hearts get hurt, creating a very unfeeling emotional loop. It is like an energetic emotional vibration that takes hold of all our senses. Every time that we touch that painful feeling it hurts all over again. It could be a feeling of shame, guilt, anger…it doesn’t matter, what matters is that it is there, inspiring our souls.
Furthermore, once that driving emotion is set the lyrics are incited, it becomes the story that we listen ourselves and play to others. And once we start listening to only that version of the song, we are inevitably being erratically conducted, unaware of how to mend the concepts that created that song in the first place, so we can’t live the life we were meant to live or sing song we were meant to sing.
Nevertheless, let’s remember that, like a song, we are a beautiful work in progress. As much as evolution, we are constantly evolving to realms that we cannot even imagine because of our limitations, for lack of imagination. Once we learn to undertake our song with imagination, and tune in better the emotions generated by it, life can flow again, and we are free to create whatever version of a song we want. Once a very wise man said: “Imagination is more important than knowledge”. What a genius!
When I was a child I lived in a world of imagination, and it was magical. I believed in goodness and that good would always win against evil. I believed that the princess would always end up with prince charming, I believed in true love and the miracles of life. I would sing the song I liked and made me happy. But then adulthood happened. What a curse!
Except that as in every fairy tale, I believe that curses can be broken, and we can live in wonder again. Who said that good doesn’t always win? Who told us that the princess doesn’t deserve to end up with prince charming? Who said that true love doesn’t exist? Who has ever said that life is not a miracle? Who told you not to sing the song that makes you happy? Because I think whoever said or told you that, doesn’t know anything about life, he/she has never tasted life as the miracle that it is. He/she doesn’t know who they truly are. They are out of tune.
I realised that I am a work in progress and I accept myself for who I am because the Universe loves me for who I am, and will always support me in whatever I do. I am in tune with the Universe.
I’ve heard thousand stories of how I should be and behave but right now I prefer to hear the tender whispers of love and compassion of my life’s song, being kind to myself, knowing that once you have the knowledge, the understanding and awareness, things can be different. I am ready now to listen to the version of the song I was meant to listen.
And in this process we can feel the power which will release us to follow our hearts again, without fear, without limitations, and no scratches because I now know that the Universe will always have my back. I trust again my intuition and the Divine love, the true love I have mentioned. And I allow this divine love to sing through me.